So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
