Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
