I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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