im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
