K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize