guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
