Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
