Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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