I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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