Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
