I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Come on in and take your pants off
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