you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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