It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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