what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
