i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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