New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
