if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
