big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
