Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
