Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
