3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
why do cheetos always look like penises
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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