I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
