i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
