so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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