Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
