she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
