I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
