Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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