It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
