evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
