dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
