Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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