My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
