it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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