white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
