i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
