Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
