I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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