on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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