people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
