I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
