yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
