i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
