Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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