I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
