They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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