it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
