Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
