Where did you get a picture of my penis
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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