I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
