it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
